"I don't want to be alone. But now I feel like I don't know you"

tonight has been a weird night to say the least!

2 anxiety attacks in one night is not my idea of fun. and whats worse is that i dont even have the faintest idea why i had them! i wish i didnt have this body anymore, its completely broken! if i'm not ill, i'm aching. its getting beyond a joke now.

i also just found out one of my uncles has bowl cancer too, which to be honest shocked the hell out of me. i dont think i can go through this again with another person. the last time broke me enough. i pray to god that he will be ok and that his health will restore its self over night. i do not want to witness the pain and suffering this horrible disease does again, i'll crumble!

i'm not myself at the moment and i'm not sure why. i'm guessing coming off my medication has something to do with it but i really do feel like a completely different person. i'm just not happy. i feel sick constantly, anxious all day long. i mean come on! i've had enough of this already. when am i going to go back to being me? isnt it time already! i'd like me back please if it isnt too much to ask. oh and my confidence would be nice too. i miss it ALOT!


"and in the free fall i will realize, i'm better off when i hit the bottom"