"co-ordinate brain and mouth"

i'm not doing very good at this blog thing am i?

in all honesty i've been avoiding talking about myself or my feelings for a while.
its kinda like i dont want to admit theres a problem when deep down under the surface i know there is.
i haven't been or felt like myself in a long time. i'm becoming more drawn into myself and i dont like it not one bit.
but what can i do to change back? pretend everythings ok? well that will only work for a short time.
i wish i was 16 again, i used to have so much confidence in myself.
i wish i wasnt scared to show people the real me, but i am and i need to deal with that.
why do things have to change? why do we have to change?
if only we could all be children forever, immature and easily amused.
i guess coming off anti depressants doesnt help my thought process but, why should it be so hard?
shouldnt it be as simple as putting pen to paper? i guess not.
i feel like a fake drug addict, i'm not craving the pills just suffering the withdrawal effects. not exactly like sipping a nice hot chocolate i can tell you!
imagine feeling nauseous from the minute you wake up to the minute you fall asleep, everyday for the past almost 2 weeks, and thats exactly how i feel. not to mention the mood swings, headaches and the ability to suddenly feel down in a matter of minutes for absolutely no reason.

i'm rambling now, this post hasnt exactly been successful, but hey its good to vent!

"every line is about who i don't wanna write about anymore"