I AM A ZOMBIE!!!

yes its true i officially am a zombie! well...i feel like one anyways!
in all honesty i don't really know how i feel anymore. i've kind of lost myself over the past few months. i even think i've turned into a hermit (i think thats the word i'm looking for).
I've become so wrapped up in myself, keeping my thoughts in my head instead of expressing them that finally i cracked. i broke down in tears during dinner with my boyfriend yesterday. kind of embarrassing. i'm not even sure why i broke down but i did.....twice! the second time was when i tried to tlk about my feelings and whats in my head to my mum. i find it hard to tell people whats going on in my head. i feel like they wont understand. I've been trying to come off my anti depressants for almost 3 months and in all honesty, i had no idea that it would be just as hard to get off them as it was to get on them. my sleeping pattern is all over the place. some nights i get 3 hours sleep others i get 8. some mornings i wake up all happy and cheery, other days i can barely move out of bed. i get really down in the dumps easily and its hard to explain all of this on top of the extra emotions i'm feeling to my friends and family. i think the only person who understands me at the moment is my boyfriend. i am so lucky that i have him. he puts a smile on my face even when i'm blubbering for no reason! he puts up with my mood swings, me being constantly ill, and my awful back.
i really do feel like i'm a completely different person at the moment. its almost like i'm half myself. i dont want to do anything other than sleep. and thats not like me at all! i've got myself into this vicious circle and i need to break it. its easier said than done though.

"crying isnt a sign that you're weak, since birth it has always been a sign that you're alive"