I AM A ZOMBIE!!!

yes its true i officially am a zombie! well...i feel like one anyways!
in all honesty i don't really know how i feel anymore. i've kind of lost myself over the past few months. i even think i've turned into a hermit (i think thats the word i'm looking for).
I've become so wrapped up in myself, keeping my thoughts in my head instead of expressing them that finally i cracked. i broke down in tears during dinner with my boyfriend yesterday. kind of embarrassing. i'm not even sure why i broke down but i did.....twice! the second time was when i tried to tlk about my feelings and whats in my head to my mum. i find it hard to tell people whats going on in my head. i feel like they wont understand. I've been trying to come off my anti depressants for almost 3 months and in all honesty, i had no idea that it would be just as hard to get off them as it was to get on them. my sleeping pattern is all over the place. some nights i get 3 hours sleep others i get 8. some mornings i wake up all happy and cheery, other days i can barely move out of bed. i get really down in the dumps easily and its hard to explain all of this on top of the extra emotions i'm feeling to my friends and family. i think the only person who understands me at the moment is my boyfriend. i am so lucky that i have him. he puts a smile on my face even when i'm blubbering for no reason! he puts up with my mood swings, me being constantly ill, and my awful back.
i really do feel like i'm a completely different person at the moment. its almost like i'm half myself. i dont want to do anything other than sleep. and thats not like me at all! i've got myself into this vicious circle and i need to break it. its easier said than done though.

"crying isnt a sign that you're weak, since birth it has always been a sign that you're alive"

home is where the heart is, well its where i am at least!

well i'm in a home it may not be my own, but its a home.

i have the day off from college which means technically i now have a 5 day weekend...SCORE!

so i'm chilling out in the boyfriends house all day. i was ment to be going out with my friend christina but shes not very well. which means i have the house to myself! i could go out if i wanted to but i'm so cosy! i probably should go out but i cant be bothered haha!

i've been trying to find a photo of the kind of fringe i want, to show my hair dreser next week. and after looking through 50 pages of hair cuts on photobucket i think i have found only 1 similar photo. kind of disappointing really! but i cannot even wait to get my hair cut. i havent had it cut in oover 3 months, possibly longer! my layers have all grown out and my hair just looks pretty bland at the moment. so excited!

i've been thinking for a while now about changing my style. i mean i dress pretty tom boy-ish, heck sometimes i look like my wardrobes just throw up on me! i want to change my style slightly, nothing to over the top or tooo different. maybe just add a bit more grown up rock chick to the mix. exept for maybe those days when you just want to bum about in leggings or jeans. cant live without those days.

"we can get what we want out of it"